On Being A Writer: Can You Reveal without Being Judged?

Sometimes I think that I am too much of an open book. Too willing to share an opinion. Too happy to reveal what I am thinking. Too vulnerable to the criticism of others. And then I wonder, isn’t that what being a writer is all about? Letting people look inside, know what you’re thinking so that they get another viewpoint?

I have a friend who tends to feel sorry for himself. He is a bit brash and opinionated, and fairly self-centered. We love him because he is fun, and at times, amazingly vulnerable. Willing to say anything probably because he has few boundaries. Of course this friend happens to be a therapist. I’ve heard him say things like, “when will it be my turn?” or “why can’t that be me?” He’s very demanding, and frankly, his all-consuming energy can suck the life right out of a room. Friends come and go, but he remains unfazed. Certain of his point of view. Clinically righteous. It’s his way or the highway. Now that I think of it, we haven’t seen him in a while. Like a comet in the sky, he’s all flash and fire. You don’t want to get too close.

I, on the other hand, whither under too much scrutiny. I tend to be shaken by criticism. I don’t like being judged or analyzed, unless of course, I am paying for the privilege. But when friends jump to conclusions about who I am based on what I’ve written, I don’t particularly like it. I’m not that easily categorized. If I knew exactly what I was doing, I probably wouldn’t be a writer. Being a writer helps me get to clarity. For me, nothing can be assumed. I am a man of nuance. Subtlety. It’s all about discernment.

I’m not sure any of us are all that knowable. If we are alive, we’re changing, and sometimes, A doesn’t equal B doesn’t equal C. I’m not a mathematical problem that can be easily solved or even understood. And though I might write from one point of view with passion, that doesn’t mean I’m mired in that opinion exclusively. Things change. Things always change.

I have moments of regret when someone who has read my novel assumes that they know me well. I tend to be a private person. I do not wear my heart on my sleeve. If it appears so, that is because I have deliberately let my guard down. Writing is about the process of letting down your guard. Allowing others to look inside. Maybe there is no way around. To write, is to be judged.

Perhaps it’s time to grow a thicker skin.