If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

I’ve been thinking lately about the lessons I learned from my parents. They were a preachy twosome. Always imparting some sort of wisdom. Did I always listen? Of course not. What kid ever does? And yet, somehow, I’ve internalized the advice. Which can make the world a very confusing place. You see, when you learn one thing and then see others behaving differently, it’s problematic. Call it a clash of morals, ethics, or just bad behavior run amok. Either way, a bell rings in my head. I call it, inconsistency. And for me, inconsistency is what makes writing novels such a rich process.

Wisdom to Drive You Insane

1. “Do as I say, not as I do.” Whoever came up with this gem needs a few sessions with a good therapist. We model for others through our behavior, or lack, thereof.  If it isn’t good enough advice for you to follow, please don’t pawn it off on me.
2. “Rules were made to be broken.” Well, this one is just silly. Perhaps they shouldn’t have been rules in the first place.
3. “If you loved me—you’d know what to do.” Nope. I’m not a mind reader. If you want something, tell me. I’m a simple guy. I’ll understand.
4. “Words matter.” True. But actions matter more. You can’t behave badly and then convince me that you’re well-intended based on what you say. I won’t buy it.
5. “If you can’t say something nice—say nothing at all.” Okay. I agree. But too often, the opposite is far more interesting. Which explains the success of stand-up comics like Joan Rivers, Rodney Dangerfield, and Kathy Griffin. Not to mention, the rating success of some cable news outlets.
6. “There’s a right and a wrong way to do it.” Where’s Emily Post when you need her? After the last 4 years, I think America could use a little guidance on proper etiquette. Especially, out in public. If there’s something “right” to do, I’d like to read up on it.
7. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times.” Well, tell me again. Some of us are just slow learners. Or hard of hearing. Or both.
8. “Tell a lie often enough, it becomes true.” Hmm. I still think it’s a lie. But it becomes a mighty effective propaganda tool. Joseph Goebbels comes immediately to mind.
9. “It’s neither here nor there.” Then, I guess it’s nowhere. Good. Who needed it anyway?
10. “Think before you speak.” Great advice. I’d add, “Speak less. Listen more.”
11. “There’s a time and place for everything.” If the time isn’t now, when would that be? If the place isn’t here, why bother?
12. “Nothing lasts forever.” Thank goodness. I can’t wait till Covid is behind us. Anyone for a cruise to Italy?
13. “Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry, and you cry alone.” No one needs fair-weather friends. If you’re suffering, reach out. Other people are there to help.

And Now, A Little Something Extra

This week, What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? will be available as a free ebook through a humor promotion to help us forget 2020. Please take a moment and check out the promotion which runs through January 25th. And as always, stay safe. Your health and you are so very important!