Why Are My Sneakers Squeaking?

I hate going shopping. Just hate it. And so when my toe started to peek through the top of one sneaker, it was time to buy a new pair. And though it seems like a no-brainer, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Because a few years ago, I started to wear orthotics. Those inserted insoles that correct fallen arches. Just when you think you’re indestructible, your arches prove you wrong.

Bye Bye DSW

Buying shoes is such a pain when you wear orthotics. You have to go up in shoe size to accommodate the orthotic. And you have to always remove the insole of whatever shoe you’re looking at to see if your prescribed insole fits. Okay. I get it. This is not a world-shaking crisis. But the days of slipping your foot into any shoe to see if it fits are over. No more buying off the rack at DSW. You must find someplace to sit down and be waited on. And just in case you didn’t know, sitting down and being waited on translates to pricier shoes. Can you say, Nordstrom?

“That’s Not the Shoe Horn Caught in the Back of Your Shoe, Madam. That’s My Finger.”

Years ago, when I was young and fleet of foot (forgive me – I couldn’t resist), I worked as a shoe salesman during summer breaks from college. No offense to the fairer sex, but selling women’s shoes is really tough. Boxes and boxes of shoes were required for every sale. Women are very particular about their shoes. And just because a woman presents in the shoe department, doesn’t mean she’s actually going to buy.

“Yup. That’s A Very Wide Foot.”

Eventually, I switched to selling men’s shoes. Men arrive with a clear mission. They don’t like to shop. And so, they typically buy the first pair of shoes that they try on. If they can get a foot in it, there’s a sale coming. That’s because men will do anything to get out of the store. In fact, if the shoe doesn’t fit, they might consider wearing the box home. Anything to just leave.

“What an Adorable Child.”

Fast forward to grad school. And now I was selling children’s shoes. That was a real fiasco. Children have no idea how a shoe fits. But mom always knows. In fact, mom is the real customer. And moms love deals. So shoes were carefully inspected for any sign of wear and tear. A ten percent discount became the norm. Smart shoppers are the best shoppers.

“Will These Sneakers Go With A Sportcoat?”

Back to my aging sneakers. As it turns out, I wear them every day. In fact, I rarely wear anything else. So the other day, I headed over to Runner’s Den, my local athletic shoe store. No, I’m not a runner. I’m barely a walker. But the sales staff is known for making sure a shoe properly fits your foot. They explain in great detail the design of the shoe. Was I interested? Not really. Still, I appreciated their expertise. But it wasn’t until I arrived home that I noticed the squeaking. What the heck? I paced back and forth. I didn’t hear squeaking in the store? 

Is There a Refund Policy for Noisy Sneakers?

Who knows? Of course, I didn’t go back to the store. You didn’t expect me to. So if ever we meet, you should be able to hear me coming. I won’t be sneaking up (though I’m in sneakers). It will be the squeak, squeak, squeak, of a man who has resigned himself to the fact that if the sneakers fit, the sound is okay. Ugh!

Now for Something Extra!

This week, starting on Monday, June 20th, and running through Wednesday, June 29th, we’ll be participating in a BookSweeps contest. Check out the other novels and earn a chance to win an e-reader and an e-copy of Boca by Moonlight. If you love to read, you’ll enjoy checking out the other 50 titles included in the contest. And until we connect again, enjoy the rest of the month of June!