And the Scale Says…
Lately, I’ve been weighing myself, and I must say, like smoking, overeating, or picking your nose in public, watching the scale has become a bad habit. Something that I wouldn’t recommend anyone start. Because once you start, it’s hard to look away as the numbers bounce about before settling on the latest reading. And just like in Vegas at the roulette table, no matter what number pops up, you’re bound to be disappointed. Because the only reason why you bought a scale in the first place was that the doctor (damn him) wanted to be sure that with your leaky heart valve, you weren’t retaining water. But shouldn’t retaining water be good if you live in the desert? It seems to work for camels. Alas, people are not camels and with a leaky heart valve, one must follow the cardiologist’s recommendations. So what has been a slight heart murmur for years has now progressed to the next stage of concern, a reminder that all minor ailments in your youth are bound to progress (God willing that you live long enough) into something more ominous given time.
Back to the Scale
So, exactly how much do I weigh? Good question. The best I can tell, it depends on the time of day. Right out of bed, I’m the lightest. But then, I’m barefoot and stripped to the waist. Still, I am wearing a pair of eyeglasses, and since I’m extremely near-sided, those Coke bottle lenses must count for some added weight. But without the glasses, I couldn’t see the reading, never mind the scale. So, eyeglasses and all, I balance precariously hoping my two feet are planted correctly, and wondering, despite the obvious demands of gravity, if my full weight is on the scale. Yes, I know. That makes no sense. But I long for accuracy. Even before my first cup of coffee, scale thinking is taking over.
Log It!
It isn’t enough to own a scale. Now, I must also record my weight. Why? Mostly because I have a terrible memory. But primarily to keep a record. Am I on a diet? Well, I wasn’t until I started weighing myself. Suddenly, I am. A diet that my doctor hasn’t prescribed. A diet that eliminates excess sugar. A decision that I made so that I don’t die young. What do you mean, it’s too late? No matter how leaky my valve might be, I still feel young. Full of vim and vigor. I still work out. Go to the gym regularly. So, in the spirit of good health, I’ve decided to say no to candy, cookies, and cake. Nothing processed. Goodbye, chocolate brownies. Tata, Snickers. I’ll always love you, Ghiradlelli. But now, our time together has ended. Sigh. Isn’t it great growing older?
What Time Is It?
Hidden in the corner of the bathroom, the scale speaks to me. How much do I weigh now? Has the number changed since I ate breakfast? Do I weigh less after walking the neighborhood? And so, I pop off my shoes and step aboard the weight ride. Where are we headed? Skinny Town where Twiggy remains ever svelte or the Pudge Factory where Twinkies dance in the streets. The scale has only been in my house for six days and already I’m thinking about donating it to a worthy charity. I never realized one’s weight could fluctuate so much throughout the day. And why, for God’s sake, would anyone not under a doctor’s care ever wonder how much they weigh? After all, it’s just a number.
Can I Get Over this New Obsession?
Sure, I can. It’ll just take time. Meanwhile, I have a new blood pressure cuff waiting for me. I haven’t opened the box yet. But I can’t wait. Toys for the older man! Oh boy. Getting older can be fun. And so informative. Can an Apple watch be too far off in my future? In the meantime, I will practice my new cooking skills: cauliflower pizza, broccoli omelets, and lentil pancakes. Healthier meals are possible but they’ll never replace chocolate peanut butter cups. Farewell, Duncan Hines. I’ll miss you, Sara Lee. Don’t pine for me, Betty Crocker. You’ll always have a place in my heart. But for now, I’m fine with carrots and celery sticks. Don’t you love crunchy things?
And Now for Something a Little Extra!
We’re participating in a Summer is for Women’s Fiction promotion. It’s a great time to check out a variety of authors and grab a copy of my latest novel Boca by Moonlight. Please take a few moments to check out the promotion. And be sure to enjoy the rest of the month!
