Coronavirus

Would Covid Make a Great Dog Name?

I’ve been wondering, does anyone in the United States (or for that matter anywhere) have Covid as a last name? Is there a Mr. & Mrs. Covid out there? And if so, how has their family managed over the last two years? It would be horrible to have your name associated with a deadly pandemic. Far worse than a devastating hurricane (forgive me Irma, Sandy, and Katrina). And now that the pandemic is on the wane, will Covid pop up as a popular baby name? Or is that just too weird?  Personally, I think Covid would make a great name for a dog. There’s a hard C sound to Covid. And dog trainers agree hard sounds work best when training puppies. Close your eyes, and imagine it. I see a Chihuahua named Covid. Or maybe, a Chow. What breed do you see?

Air Travel

Speaking of Covid (yes, I still am), I recently traveled to Mexico. A negative Covid test is required 24-hours before returning to the USA. Was I worried? Sure. I may love Mexican food, but I’d hate to get stuck in Mexico. No matter how wonderful the vacation is, no one wants to be detained in a foreign country. Especially if you’re sick and require medical care.

But I’m Fine – Just Fine

That week in Mexico, I wore a mask everywhere. Except in the pool. That would have been just silly. And I kept my distance from others. Essentially isolated in a resort where isolation was pretty easy because the place was empty. It seems Americans aren’t rushing to Mexico. Oh, we’re there. But not in the same numbers as pre-Covid.

It Can’t Be

And of course, the night before returning to the USA, I had a terrible dream. Even though my Covid test had been negative, for some reason, my boarding pass displayed Covid as my last name. I’d become Brad Graber Covid.  “That’s not me,” I shouted in the dream as I was pulled out of the airport line. “I’m not Covid. That’s not who I am!”

Secret Agent?

Hmm. Maybe Covid would make a great last name for a secret agent. Or the mad scientist in a thriller. Mark my words. The name Covid is not going away. And the next time you’re at the dog park and hear someone shouting Covid, just remember I told you so, as the crowd scatters and a toy poodle charges up to its owner who is enthusiastically praising the pup. “Good boy, Covid! Good boy!”

And Now For Something a Little Extra!

If you haven’t checked out my award-winning collection of essays – What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? – you can click here for an excerpt. Have a great rest of the month. And, oh yes. Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you got chocolates!

Is It Time to Go Back to the Movies?

Okay, I admit it. Since the CDC confirmed that there was little chance that vaccinated people could catch and spread Covid, I grabbed a mask and raced off to my nearest multiplex. And boy, was I surprised. No one was there. It was as if the entire theater had been built solely for my movie viewing pleasure. No lines for popcorn. No concerns about noisy neighbors. I was alone. Totally alone. But then, it was a Tuesday morning.

Twilight Zone

When you sit in an empty theater, your mind wanders. Even during the previews. And if you’re a writer, well, you’re prone to daydreaming. That’s when story ideas are born. But imagination can work against you. In that darkened theater, I thought about a Twilight Zone episode. The one where a guy finds himself alone on earth. Running through empty city streets, screaming, hoping to find someone to answer his frantic call for help. It was creepy. Apocalyptic. And I was now that man.

New York City

As someone who generally enjoys being alone, New York City is not the ideal place to be raised. You can’t be alone there. Not when you share a bedroom with an older brother. Or, live in an eight-story building with twenty-two apartments on each floor. To survive the crush of humanity, and I don’t just mean in the elevator, you learn to adapt. On public transportation, you read a book. When you walk the streets, you look down. Anything to narrow your field of focus. To block out all those faces. And for some of us, even these little tricks can’t ease social anxiety. This is why Arizona is a breath of fresh air. It might be hot, but it’s never crowded. Except, if you insist on shopping at Costco on the weekends. Then it’s “buyer beware”.

Back to the Theater

So, there I was. Alone at the movies. In one of those big, cushy chairs. And as I sometimes do when a movie is a bit slow, I drifted off. I hate when that happens. It’s like channeling Uncle Morty. You remember him. That elderly uncle at the family reunion. He falls asleep on the sofa. Ugh! Anyway, when I awoke, the movie was over and the lights were up. I was startled. You see, nodding off in a darkened theatre is one thing. But wakening up with the lights up, that’s a different story. Plus, I missed the end of the movie.

Napping

So, if you’re wondering if this is the time to go back to the movies, I say yes if you’re vaccinated. And if you’re very cautious, wear a mask. Make sure you choose an off time to eliminate crowds. But most importantly, nap before you go. Dark, cool places, can be very relaxing. And what’s the point of watching a movie only to miss the ending? That’s no fun.

Now, Something A Little Extra!

This month, we’re participating in a Book Cave promotion. You can grab a free ebook of After the Fall and also enter a contest to win a $25 gift card to the ebook retailer of your choice. Big fun!

Ten Tips To Make 2021 The Best Year Ever

Let’s face it. 2020 was no fun. So, as we think about 2021, here are some suggestions to  make things a bit brighter:

  1. Stop racing through the store like you’re on Supermarket Sweep (does anyone remember that game show?). If you’re wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and staying socially distant, you’re probably fine. Still not sure? Don’t shop on the weekend when it’s busy. And double-mask. It can’t hurt.
  2. Toilet paper is a wonderful product. But there’s only so much anyone needs. If you can’t pull your car into the garage—you probably have too much.
  3. Try to get out of the house. If the weather doesn’t permit, there’s always a good book, meditation, or a nap. And we all know that meditation leads to a nap. What? You really didn’t know?
  4. Cookies and cake are delicious. But maybe it’s time to bring fruits and vegetables back into our diets. You’ll feel better and with summer a few months away, you’ll get a head start on that beach body (and I’m not referring to the dead thing that washes up on the shore every July).
  5. Social distancing will one day be a thing of the past. So now’s the time to change your cell phone number and ditch those pesky relatives. If they can’t text you, they can’t find you. Win-win!
  6.  Embrace change. We have a new president with a new outlook. With any luck, we’ll all be vaccinated soon. Hopefully, before the next Covid mutation. Can you say, Ninja Mutant Warrior?
  7. Laugh when you can. When all else fails look in the mirror. It’s true. You look just like your mother. Now that should put a smile on your face (or send you screaming from the room).
  8. Aches and pains are part of life. They help remind us of what’s important. That we’re still here. Alive and kicking. Adding new meaning to the phrase, it hurts so good.
  9. Try to make pancakes at least once a week. Even if the batter isn’t great, you’ll love the syrup. I promise.
  10. Reading is a necessary form of self-love. We get to experience someone else’s life when we read. And anyone else’s life is probably more exciting than ours at the moment. So go ahead. Pick up a book. Escape.

Now A Little Something Extra!

This month, we’ll be participating in an ebook humor promotion along with other authors. It’s your opportunity to grab a free ebook of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? Please take a moment to check out the promotion. It’s a great time to be a reader!

The Holiday Trip of a Lifetime!

If you’re like me, you won’t be traveling this holiday season. No large family gatherings. No European vacations. And no time spent mingling with friends. But, if you have a great imagination, you can really go anywhere. And let’s face it. It’s just good common sense to make the most of what we do have and to be grateful. So today, in honor of the holiday season, I’m going to share some wonderful journeys. They start and end in the home. There are no bags to pack. No hotel rooms to wipe down. The airfare is free. No masks are required. Just a little imagination.

Drum roll, please.

  1. Open the dishwasher at the end of the drying cycle and lean in. You’ve arrived for your facial at the Four Seasons Spa in Las Vegas. Hey! Where’s my champagne?
  2. You’ve just moved a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer. Hop aboard as the dryer begins its tumble. Thrill to your favorite roller-coaster as you head into the first turn.
  3. There’s a chill coming from the freezer. Close your eyes and imagine those Klondike bars are being served in beautiful Alaska where Caribou run free. Brrr. It’s a bit frosty!
  4. In the shower, the waterfalls of Hawaii speak to you. Turn up the heat. Welcome to showering outdoors on Kona.
  5. Whip up a batch of beignets. Add a mug of hot chocolate and enjoy New Orleans. Do I smell pralines?
  6. Put on the music of Harry Belafonte. Dance around the living room as you enjoy a brief excursion to Jamaica. Day-o! Day-o!
  7. Dine on pizza from your favorite take-out joint. With a glass of red, you’re back in Venice. Watch out for the pigeons.
  8. Time for a coffee break. Put your feet up on the living room coffee table. You’re back in the jungles of Costa Rica where they have the best coffee beans.
  9. Take a hot bath. Close your eyes and relax. Welcome to Israel’s Dead Sea—without all that gunky mud.
  10. Vacuuming need not be dull. You can hear the roar of Niagara Falls. Its magnificent beauty captured with each push and pull across the carpet.

This holiday season, you can be anywhere you choose. It’s completely up to you. And all it takes is a little imagination, some whimsy, and the willingness to suspend reality. Here’s wishing you and your family the best of the holiday season and a wonderful 2021. Stay safe and stay healthy.

A Little Something Extra

This week, my debut novel The Intersect will be part of a free ebook LGBTQ promotion. There’s nothing like a free ebook. It cost’s you nothing…and I earn nothing. Ho, ho, ho!

But I Don’t Like Walking

Some people are fierce. They hike, run, bike—and push their limits. And then some people are more like me. They don’t even like to walk. Now, I’m not talking about the kind of walking that takes you from the sofa to the refrigerator. I do that often enough and with ease. I’m talking about the kind of walking that entails serious mileage. Why would anyone want to do that if they own a car? Simple answer: Covid-19. Gosh, this pandemic is really getting on my last nerve.

Gym

Yes, I have a favorite gym. But now, I’m staying away. This means it’s important to find a substitute to burn off the calories from the cookies I’m eating to get through the pandemic. Cookies are my drug of choice. If you have to default to sugar, my favorite is chocolate chip. Not that I need a pandemic to gorge on cookies. Chewing is just a great way to soothe yourself. Babies do it. Watch them go to town on a pacifier. Puppies do it. Chew sticks make great puppy gifts. And some grown men like cookies. But then, doesn’t everyone?

Meaningful Exercise

Weight Watchers recommends walking. One, two, or three miles. I hate it, even though I’m listening to my favorite podcast. Four, five, or six miles. Someone save me. Can I please just call an Uber? Or maybe, an ambulance? My feet are killing me. My hips ache. And that guy on a racing bicycle nearly ran me down. There’s got to be a better way to exercise when you don’t own gym equipment. Where the heck is Jack LaLanne when you need him? Oh right. Never mind.

Shut Up and Keep Walking

So with Thanksgiving upon us, it’s necessary to just keep moving. Turkey may be a healthy choice, but not when paired with all those sides. And let’s face it. The sides make the meal. As far as I’m concerned, they can nix the dry bird. But don’t screw with the mash potatoes. Or yams. Or gravy. But I will trade the green bean casserole for a serving of pumpkin pie. Two dollops of whipped cream, please.

Wishing You the Best

So here’s to you and your family. I wish you the best of the Thanksgiving holiday. Soon, this challenging year will be behind us. Next year will be better. And maybe then, we’ll all enjoy the holidays as one big happy family. Wouldn’t that be nice? And no more walking. We’ll be back at the gym where we belong. Out of the streets. Away from the bicyclists. Hopefully, sharing cookies.

 

Does Anyone Else Want to Go Shopping?

You know things are dull when a trip to the mall seems like an exciting adventure. But in the midst of Covid-19, there are just some things we aren’t doing. And shopping at your favorite retailer is probably one of them. Perhaps that explains the flood of recent bankruptcies. Sure, we all knew that Sears was holding on by their fingertips. But Steinmart, Lord & Taylor, Pier 1? It seems there’s no end to the number of stores closing their doors. And though I’m not much of a shopper, I don’t like the idea that the retail landscape is changing. And I bet I’m not the only one who feels that way.

Gimbels

My concern really started years ago when Gimbels announced it was going out. If you grew up in New York City, Gimbels was a mainstay. True, Gimbels never sponsored the Thanksgiving Day Parade. That was always Macy’s claim to fame. But Gimbels is mentioned in the Christmas holiday movie Miracle on 34th Street. Which means Gimbels was a big deal. And as the years rolled by, other stores sadly bit the dust. Think Gertz and Abraham & Strauss. As someone who has lived in many cities, I took notice. Mays (Buffalo), Famous-Barr (St. Louis), Carson Pirie Scott (Chicago), Hudson’s (Detroit), and Gump’s (San Francisco). Just shout out one of your favorite lost retailers and you’ll see that I’m right. Things are changing. And, fast.

Retail Consultant

I’ve been discussing my concerns lately with a retail consultant that lives nearby. Actually, he’s in the next room (my husband, Jeff). I’ve asked him all sorts of questions. He’s assured me that this is to be expected. There’s been a boom in online shopping and Jeff Bezos is rolling in cash. So, people are still shopping, just not in person. A few years back, Jeff explained the concept of “experiential” retail as offered by Restoration Hardware. That’s when you step into a store, check out the merchandise, and instead of leaving with the item, they deliver it to your home. The store becomes the front of the warehouse. I didn’t like the idea. And now, with Amazon, I like shopping even less. But wait! That’s one of the sites where I sell books. Lots of books. Okay—maybe Amazon isn’t so bad. But can anyone really compare an online shopping experience with an in-store visit? And now, as if things couldn’t get worse, there are whispers that shopping malls may be a thing of the past. Say it ain’t so, Joe. I mean Jeff. Say it ain’t so.

The Experience

So we’re just going to have to accept that life is changing. Groceries can be ordered online. Movies can be streamed at home. Take-out has replaced dine-in. I get it. I may not like it, but the future doesn’t ask our permission. I’ll just have to find other things to do. Like taking long walks. Riding a bicycle. Gardening. Wow. I’m in trouble. I don’t do any of those things. But then, that’s a post for another day. Here’s hoping that you’re finding a lot of alternative activities that you enjoy. And most importantly, that you’re staying healthy. Your health is precious and so are you!

Big News

What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? has won a Bronze from Readers’ Favorite and 1st prize in humor from the Colorado Independent Publishers Association. Here’s a 3-minute sample of the audiobook which is available on Audible. If you’d prefer the paperback, here’s the Amazon link. I hear it’s an enjoyable read and the paperback is beautifully designed. A little birdie told me.

Why Travel to Europe When You Can Just As Easily Take A Drive?

When I sat down to write this week’s blog, I kept thinking about how I’d like to travel overseas. Now for those who don’t know me, I’ve never been adventurous. Even as a kid, I disliked change, unless it was on the ground waiting to be picked up. A new restaurant? Will they have what I like? A new hotel? Will I be able to figure out how to turn on the shower? So, when it comes to traveling abroad, I can be downright crabby. I hate flying through the night. Who can get any sleep? And I’m not a fan of jet lag. It plays nasty tricks with one’s inner workings. Enough said.

A Change of Heart

But recently, I’ve found myself itching to be anywhere. Anywhere, but home. Especially troubling, when there is nowhere else to be. Don’t get me wrong. Our house is nice. I shouldn’t complain. But after a time, who wants to be sitting home? It really isn’t very interesting. How many closets can your reorganize? Heck no—I haven’t been doing that—but what else is there to do? Even television is boring. There is only so much of The Nanny that I can take (yes—it’s true—I have my limits on reruns). And more and more of the content on Netflix seems suspiciously British. Am I the only one who wonders why everyone is talking with an English accent? I guess I’m just growing impatient to be out and about, exercising the old hindquarters. And until the heat breaks in Phoenix (55 days so far of over 110-degree heat), we’re locked in. Trapped.

Arizona Great Outdoors

All this pent up demand has resulted in road trips. Own a car? You’re all set. Recently, we headed up to Bearazona (cute name) where you drive through an enclosed encampment of wild black bears. Considering the heat, and their heavy black coats, the bears were fairly incapacitated. And frankly, that’s how I like it. No one wants to have a 300-lb animal chasing after the car. Nature can be truly wonderful only at a safe distance. Another weekday, we did a driving tour through the Phoenix Zoo. Not much to see in the heat, but every now and then we had a glimpse of an exotic bird. Or was it a pigeon? Oh, just close your eyes and imagine. We’ve also checked out a number of Arizona’s abandoned ghost towns. To our disappointment, most were overrun by tourists. I bet the ghosts are pretty fed up with all the traffic.

Home Sweet Home

But if you are home, may I recommend a jigsaw puzzle? If you’re not insane yet, this will do the trick. There’s one on my dining room table right now. It’s supposed to be a picture of a car. At least, that’s the photograph on the box. Me? I’m not sure how all those tiny pieces will ever come together to create a car. You could say, the jigsaw puzzle is driving me crazy. Which these days, is not a very long road trip.

Added Bonus

And now, something a little special. If you love audiobooks, check out a free sample from After the Fall. The novel is available on iTunes and Audible. And remember to stay safe. Your health is precious and so are you!

 

Alive or Dead?

Lately, we’ve been playing this new game at our house. Well, it isn’t exactly a game and it isn’t really new. But we’re obsessed with it. You see, we’ve been watching old television shows. Comfort programming. The Love Boat, That Girl, Bewitched. Married with Children and Everybody Loves Raymond. Anything that reminds us of happier times. Lighter, sillier fare. Stuff from years earlier. The kind of programming that allows you to escape. Did I mention The Beverly Hillbillies, Leave It To Beaver, and Gilligan’s Island?

Where Are They Now?

When I was bar mitzvahed, my folks hired a photographer to film the party. Each year on my birthday, my Dad set up the projector and we’d gather around to watch the movie. Eventually, the film was transferred to VHS and then to a DVD. Over the years, what had once been happy viewing, changed. Most of the smiling faces are no longer with us. Now, it’s hard to watch the DVD and not feel sad.

The End of the Story

Paul Harvey, the radio broadcaster and raconteur, was famous for his sign-off: “And now you know the rest of the story.” If I might, I’d edit that line to read: “…the end of the story.” So many people come and go in our lives. Family, friends, neighbors, business associates—it’s tempting to know what has happened to them all. Mostly, we’ve lost track. And if you move around a lot, like we have, losing track is inevitable.

Bored to Tears

In the midst of the pandemic, our entertainment options are limited. And so, we continue to watch old television shows, smartphones nearby to Google familiar faces. Alive or dead? When and how? How many times were they married? How many children? In a way, it’s preferable to Google strangers than to search through our own past and ask these same questions. And far easier than absorbing the horrible loss of over 180,000 Americans who have recently died from Covid-19.

Added Bonus:

What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? is available as an audiobook on Audible and iTunes. If you get a moment, listen to the Introduction. It’s only 3 minutes long but it will give you a flavor of the audiobook. The narrator has a great voice. And no, it’s not me. Also, this month The Intersect will be part of a Contemporary Fiction promotion. Please check it out.

And Remember

Your health is precious. So please be safe. And hopefully, we’ll all meet again on the pages of my next novel, Boca by Moonlight, due out in the summer of 2021.

 

Pass Me That Face Mask!

Why is there so much push back about wearing a face mask? Aside from the potential community benefits, there are lots of other advantages. For instance, I don’t need to shave as often. No one can see my gray whiskers, adorable as they might be. And I can finally toss that packet of Certs. My breath doesn’t need to be minty fresh. And with my mask on, neither does yours. Now that’s a win-win.

Smiling?

For those of us who don’t smile often, a face mask is a perfect accessory. Am I smiling? No one can tell. Finally, my eyes and voice get to do the heavy lifting. My sour expression—but a fleeting memory. Never again will someone mistake me for being unhappy. With my face mask, I’m the friendliest guy in town. The life of the party!

Let’s Pretend

Behind a face mask, you can be anyone you want. Batman. Superman. The Phantom of the Opera. Of course, that last suggestion requires you’re able to carry a tune. And if you love candy, every day is Halloween when you wear a face mask. Check out some of the amazing masks available on-line. Big fun. And if you grew up in the 70s, you can even pretend to be Chad Everrett from Medical Center. That guy was always in a mask in the Operating Room.  Actually, now that I think about it, he was mostly on the beach without a shirt. Never mind.

Release Your Inhibitions

With a mask on, you can express your opinions in public without fear of retribution. Go ahead. Stick out your tongue at the jerk who jumps the line at the post office. When someone does something blatantly stupid, place yourself in a circle of people (6-feet apart, please) and let it rip. No one will be able to prove it was you who shouted those insults. You’ll be protected like the late ventriloquist, Edgar Bergen. They’ll never see your lips moving.

The Best for Last

Of course, I have no business pressuring anyone to wear a face mask. If the CDC can’t convince you, who am I to try? And yet, I can’t help but think it’s worth the effort. Maybe, it’s because I’m a former healthcare administrator. Or, I have a B.A. in Biology. Or, it just might be the experience I had this past Winter with a bout of non-COVID pneumonia. I remember that scary feeling of not being able to breathe. Trust me. You wouldn’t like it.

Bonus Round

This week, I’ll be participating in a Let’s Share Some Fun Reads promotion. If you haven’t purchased a copy of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? this is a great time to grab the ebook. The freebie promotion runs June 27th through July 3rd. Be sure to click here.

Q is for Quarantine and Questions. Lots of Questions.

Like everyone these days, Jeff and I have been locked in our house for nearly nine weeks. And like any married couple, we’ve had a few tense moments. Through it, we’ve learned a lot about who we are. Okay. Mostly, who I am. And it seems that I am a person who is full of questions. Lots of questions. Which can be asked in any order throughout the day, over and over again. Here are the top four contenders.

Where Are You?

I don’t like people who lurk around corners. And since I’m hard of hearing, Jeff pops up at the darndest times. I’m always surprised. He often says “I live here, too!” and I guess he does. But I still think it might be a good idea to tie a bell around his neck. And then, when things are too quiet and I want to share a bit of news, I have to hunt him down. Is he in the bathroom? Why isn’t the door shut? On a zoom call for business? How was I supposed to know? Outside in triple-digit heat watering the plants? Have at it. I’ll talk to you later.

What’s That Noise?

I like to know what’s going on in my world. So when random sounds invade the peace, I’m always curious. Has Jeff fallen? Did he drop his coffee cup? Is it the air conditioner turning off and on? Or is that the refrigerator humming? I’m learning a lot about the noises in our house. Especially the ones coming from the office next door.

What Are You Doing?

My mother used to say: “If you’re bored, you’re boring.” Unfortunately, I’ve been bored a lot. So, I’m always interested in what Jeff is doing. It certainly beats what I’m doing (struggling to write a third novel, doing a crossword puzzle, checking out Facebook and Twitter).  Jeff’s a news junky, loves to read People, and is fascinated by retail (his whole family is). Me? Not so much. Still, I like to be in the know.

Are You Okay?

The last and final question. This one pops up a lot. Especially when we’re binging on This is Us. Each episode demands a box of Kleenex. I call it heartbreakingly satisfying programming. I love that all your questions about the Pearson family will eventually be answered if you continue to watch episode after episode. Generation after generation. Heartbreak after heartbreak. Sigh. What a wonderful show!

And Now Some News

If you love audiobooks, After the Fall is now available through Audible. In addition, After the Fall will be participating in a group promotion for LGBT Audiobooks running from 5/27-6/3. Please take a moment to check it out.

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