News

By now, we’re all familiar with the empty supermarket shelves where the paper products used to be. It’s truly unnerving. My last trip to the store felt like the start of that old television show Supermarket Sweep. You remember. Contestants racing through the aisles trying to fill their baskets with the most expensive items. During this pandemic, I’ve been diligently working my way through the bakery. Candy? You bet. Cookies? How many bags should I grab? But why would rational people stock-up on paper products? Sugar? I’m in. Paper? Not so much.

Panic Buying

We’ve experienced shortages before. The oil embargo of 1973 led to long lines at the pumps. And then Christmas 1983, there was a run on Cabbage Patch dolls. Remember? You couldn’t find a doll anywhere. And today, we expect long lines for the newest version of the Apple iPhone. Or how about on Black Friday? Folks set up sleeping bags in front of Best Buy as early as the night before Thanksgiving. So, I guess Americans have a long history of pent up demand. But for toilet paper?

Not Tissues Too?

And now there’s a run on tissues. Which is especially troubling for those of us with seasonal allergies. Where’s your grandmother when you need her? Mine always had a tissue. She stuffed them everywhere. Up a sleeve. Down a blouse. In her purse. She used them to wipe away a tear at a bar mitzvah, wedding, or graduation. And when there was dirt on your face, a bit of spit on a tissue did the trick. Or when a finger got too close to a nose. A tissue always magically appeared.

Handkerchiefs

Perhaps it’s time to revive the handkerchief.  No one carries those anymore. It might be nice to have that handy cloth when you need to open a door. Or take food off a supermarket shelf. I have a box of them with my initials that my mother gave me in 1980. It’s a gift that has sat in my dresser drawer for 40 years. I recently opened the box and found the original gift card. A handkerchief makes the ideal face mask when rolled up. Just intertwine the ends through two rubber bands. It can even be washed in hot water and reused. Perfect!

But Toilet Paper?

Hopefully, toilet paper will soon be returning to store shelves. Otherwise, someone will have to get to the bottom of this. I heard folks mention that once the Sears catalog came in handy for more than just shopping. I guess the newspaper might be another substitute. But I doubt modern plumbing could handle all that bad news. So in the interim, I will conserve. Be mindful of my consumption. We can do this. And with Passover around the corner, it’s a great time to introduce Matzah, that binding delight, to our daily diet. That should definitely help us save on toilet paper!

Added Bonus:

Here’s a sneak peek at “Fear, AIDS, and the Coronavirus” which will be appearing in the Here’s My Story section of The Gay and Lesbian Review. It’s a very personal recap about the death of my first partner, Richard.

Also, this week I’m participating in a promotion with other authors of fun books. Please be sure to check it out. What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? is featured.

And finally, my thoughts are with you and your family through this crisis. Please be safe. You’re very dear to me.

Alright. It’s true. There isn’t anything funny about the Coronavirus. The news is scary. But at this moment, the only way to keep our spirits up is with a healthy dose of humor. Otherwise, you can get lost in a frenzy of worry. I know. I’ve found myself racing through the supermarket in search of toilet paper. And though no one loves toilet humor more than I do, it’s disturbing to find empty shelves where those mighty rolls should be. Very disturbing.

Social Distancing

As a kid, I craved social distancing. You certainly couldn’t find that in our two-bedroom one-bath apartment. Back then, I shared a room with an older brother. He was always there. And there were twenty-two apartments on the floor of our building. That’s a lot of people to run into when you’re waiting for an elevator. Social distancing would have been a dream come true. But then, someone would have asked, “Brad, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you like people?” Well, I do. But not in such close quarters. A six-foot boundary would have been heaven on earth.

Writer’s Life

Which is probably why I love being an author. Most conversations occur in my head. It’s wonderful when you’re totally in control of the dialogue. That means, you never lose an argument. Ever. And you always get the last word. Don’t tell Jeff. He thinks he gets the last word. Aren’t husbands silly?

Suggestions

So, what advice can I share about social distancing?

1. It’s a great time to learn to bake. You’re going to be home. Why not have something nice to eat?
2. If you must go out, pass on the deodorant. Think of Pigpen. That’s the look you’re going for. It radiates its own “six-foot perimeter”.
3. Go food shopping at off-hours. And for goodness sake, don’t touch all the produce. It’s just inconsiderate. Whatever you touch, you should take.
4. Get a good book. Something light and easy. Something that might make you smile. Oh. Did I mention that I’ve just launched my latest? What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? Humorous Observation on Modern Life. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wonder why you didn’t buy it sooner (and so will I).

Stay Safe

Most importantly, wash your hands. Men have trouble with this. I’ve been in enough men’s restrooms to know. And since we’re talking about public restrooms, will someone teach our male population to flush. That has nothing to do with the Coronavirus. It would just be nice.

Hi Everyone. Summer is almost here, and in Phoenix, that means it’s time to either hit the pool, walk the Mall, see a movie, or take a vacation to a cooler climate. There’s only so much you can do when the triple digits kick-in. And so, like all good authors, I’ve turned my attention to marketing, This week, I thought it might be fun to share with you what marketing actually means for an author and how it’s been working so far. You just might be surprised.

Finding New Readers

I regularly run ads on Amazon so that new readers can find my two novels. With the little space allowed, I’ve been confined to writing two-line book descriptions which might invite a potential buyer’s click. Amazon is all about clicks. And trust me, there are moments when writing the entire novel seems a lot easier than capturing the attention of folks who don’t know me. But since I’ve been running ads and measuring performance, I’ve also been using Excel spreadsheets. For those of you who know me well, this has made me very happy. I love Excel.

Audiobook

Now for the big news. After the Fall will be introduced in an audiobook format by the end of August. No, I’m not providing the narration. That would be cruel and unusual punishment for any listener. Instead, I’ve hired local Phoenix talent. I’m hoping the audiobook will tap into a whole new market of book lovers. Commuters, busy twenty-somethings, and those who relish the spoken word.

Book Clubs, Book Parties, and Podcasts

Yes, I’m still doing book clubs and book parties. Next week, I’ll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana, meeting with a book club to discuss After the Fall. So far, I’ve done 9 book clubs, some for The Intersect and some for After the Fall. I also continue to do book parties. The most recent was in Asheville, North Carolina, and it was a hoot. So if you’re ever interested in a book party, please let me know. They’re lots of fun. You invite your friends and we pull the party together. It’s a wonderful opportunity to meet new readers and everyone seems excited to meet an author. At least, that’s what they tell me. We’ve also wrapped up last month with an interview on the Written on the Edge (WROTE) podcast. The show is now up on my website at bradgraber.com if you’d like to take a listen.

Awards

We have a lot to celebrate. After the Fall received a 2018 Indie Finalist Award from Indie Forewords and was just recently honored with a 2019 Indie Reader Discovery Award. Not to be outdone, The Intersect just landed on an Amazon Best Seller list. Phew! Three years of hard work made that happen. The name of the game is persistence.

Thanks to You for Making this Happen

Of course, none of this could have been possible without your help. Thank you to all the readers who purchased the novels and took the time to post a review on Amazon. Reviews are critical to moving the books along the Amazon bookshelf. I feel very lucky to be an author with such a terrific group of people supporting me. Everyone has been so kind, and for that, I’m very grateful.

So What is Next?

I have two new projects underway. A 3rd novel, tentatively titled, Boca by Moonlight, and, yes, I’ve given thought to book #2 in The Intersect series. So there’s a lot of writing ahead. To those of you who’ve been kind enough over the years to share your personal stories, I will be mining them for gold in the next few months. To the rest, well, all I can say is, I’m in need of plot twists. I’ll be listening closely to your every word. Promise!

It’s that time of year. The cold and flu season. And even though I’ve had my flu shot, the greatest risk of getting sick isn’t from exposure to the general public. No. The greatest risk is lying next to me in bed, sharing my living quarters, and coughing. I won’t name names, but you all probably know to whom I’m referring. And yes, he’s sick this week.

Ever Since Captain Kangeroo

As a kid, I was sick a lot. And Mrs. Doctor Know-it-All Mommy was the queen of over-the-counter medications. Robitussin for coughs. Vicks VapoRub for the chest. Afrin for the sinuses. For dinner, she prepared a meal packed with iron. Have you guessed it yet? That’s right. A disgusting slab of rubbery, stringy, hold your nose, cow’s liver. Mrs. Doctor Know-it-All Mommy was no gourmet chef when it came to cow’s liver. And if you’re thinking of sharing a terrific recipe with me, please don’t. I say, let the cow have its liver. I’ll stick with the chicken soup.

Why Am I Dizzy?

So now, I have an aversion to medication. Too often, the stuff makes me dizzy. And I’ve read that a frequent cause of death in adults (okay—it might have been seniors) is a sudden fall that results in a head injury. As for the liver, well, things have slightly changed. I like Rumaki, Pate, and chopped liver, but I still think plain liver is gross. Now everyone knows what not to serve if I ever show up for dinner.

Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever

Excellent advice. I’m so enthusiastic that I like to regularly practice the feeding part. You can never be too prepared. But seriously, to ward off being sick, experts recommend you wash your hands frequently with hot water. I’m not happy till my hands are raw. And you must avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth. Which of course leaves your fingers with actually very little to do. But most importantly, you must isolate your beloved to another room. Or wear one of those face masks seen at airports. Better yet, make your spouse wear the mask.

Make Use of Your Cell Phone

That’s right. Limit all communication to texting. It really cuts down on the exposure. And there are lots of great emojis and gifs to use. My bottom-line advice: Tap into your creative side and stay healthy throughout the Holiday Season!

I did it. Today I appeared on KGUN9’s Morning Blend in Tucson and discussed my novel The Intersect.

As you can imagine, I didn’t sleep too well the night before – wondering how I’d be able to condense my thoughts into the 5-minute segment allotted for the book. When you write a novel of 460-pages with 8 main characters and lots of twists and turns, it’s a challenge to think about how you’ll be able to communicate anything in under five minutes.

But I was surprisingly prepared. You see, when I did the interview, I had a very special group of people in mind.

For the past 8 months, I’ve been regularly attending the Phoenix Publishing and Book Promotion Meet-up run by Laura Orsini. Each meeting begins with authors going around the room and quickly providing a snapshot recap of their book. And though I’ve often struggled with that particular moment, I clearly had learned something important from the experience. So when the cameras were rolling, I was able to discuss the novel with clarity. Frankly, it felt like a miracle to be able to speak confidently and enthusiastically.

It’s odd to admit – but when you spend so much time in your head creating plot twists and dialogue – you’re a bit afraid that you’ve lost the gift of gab. Social skills can easily get rusty. And though you might be able to find the right word after a few edits in a draft – we don’t often get a 2^nd chance in a conversation.

Today, I’m kind of proud of myself. Not only did I write an engaging novel but I was able to properly articulate its essence.

Things are looking up.