Whimsical Observations on Life Archives | Page 11 of 11 | Brad Graber | The Intersect

Calling David Sedaris: I’m Over Here

November 3, 2016
Brad Graber
On Being a Writer, Whimsical Observations on Life

I’ve often fantasized that David Sedaris might agree to provide a blurb for my book because – well – he’s David Sedaris – an extremely successful author with a legion of fans – and – um – I’m not.

He’s such a clever, witty, sophisticated guy – I know he’d enjoy following my characters as they struggle with the issues of ageism, immigration reform and homophobia. I can almost hear him warmly saying “Brad, your book is brilliant. I wish I’d written it.”

Overnight, my sales would sky rocket.

But getting someone famous like Sedaris in my corner might prove a real challenge.

How many other authors must be competing for his endorsement? I’d bet his home in the Hamptons (I just made that up – I have no idea where he lives) is overrun with unsolicited manuscripts. Stacks everywhere. From cookbooks to modern fiction. Voices crying out to be heard. READ ME. PLEASE READ ME.

So how to get his attention?

I could buy a billboard in Times Square sporting the cover of my book and the headline in bright neon – Calling David Sedaris.
I could rent the Goodyear Blimp and fly it over the GLBTQ parade in LA – assuming he’d be in attendance – with a flowing banner – Calling David Sedaris.
I could place an advertisement in Publishers Weekly. By now, you know how it would read.

Fighting with Technology: From India and Back

The other day, my router went down. I’d never realized that your router is kind of like the heart of your entire home office. No router – no phones – no Internet – no Netflix – no printer/fax/scanner.

Now, I’ve had problems before with my modem – but that is easily reset. You call the cable company – they magically reset it on their end – and you’re off and running. But when your router doesn’t work – it’s not such an easy fix – because the cable company doesn’t own the product. The router requires a call to a distant land. A place I might like to visit one day. A trip to India.

Now before you get the impression than I am technically sophisticated, there was a time when I had no idea which was the modem and which was the router. So I’ve labeled each with a yellow sticky. I’ve even labeled their respective plugs since it seems to be an important “fix” to plug and unplug these items from the outlet. Hard to do when the back of your desk looks like a bowl of spaghetti – wires shooting out everywhere. I’ve found this especially useful because whenever anything crashes, I seem to lose my cookies. And when I get upset – I get confused. I know this – because my system goes down a lot.

I live in one of those older neighborhoods, Cox tells me, where something or other needs to be upgraded. Odd – because telephone solicitors have no trouble finding me. Scam artists appear regularly in my yahoo mailbox. And Facebook seems to know more about me than my own mother ever did. I just nod my head and assume that Cox is selling me a bunch of hooey. Hey, I don’t understand any of it anyway. I just continue to follow their instructions as we work together over the phone to get my modem back up. Fifteen minutes – and the nightmare is over.

Lead With Love

We’re approaching that scary time of the season, and I don’t mean Halloween. I’m talking about Election Day.

I don’t think anything happening on October 31^st can be quite as scary as what America is facing on the day after November 8^th. There is a growing sense of distrust in the air. A concern that no matter who wins, the country might be facing a crisis of confidence. I’m trying to decide if that is news media “hype” – a way of generating continued viewership – and like the crappy candy in our Trick or Treat bags – best tossed in the garbage.

I’ve tried – and the keyword is tried – to stop watching the election coverage. When you vote Early Ballot – you can do that. And yet – I haven’t been able to distance myself. Emotionally, I’m all in. I want our better angels to prevail. I want to feel about America the way I did the day we elected our first Black president. I want to feel hopeful and happy and proud of who we are. And even though I know there are problems that still need to be fixed, I want to believe that this country can do anything. In my heart, I know it’s true. It just takes focus, teamwork, and leadership.

But I’m afraid.