Pepto-Bismol

Say, I Do!

There’s nothing like a family wedding to bring out the need to raid one’s closet for appropriate attire. In our house, we’re a casual duo. Jeans without sneakers is a dressy night out. So, you can imagine the activity when a wedding invitation arrived that requested formal attire. We immediately Googled to find out what that meant for men. Do we have to wear tuxedos? Oh, good. Dark suits would suffice. But wait. The last time I wore a dark suit was in 2019 when I attended my nephew’s wedding. And that suit wasn’t new then. Fortunately, men’s styles don’t change much. Lapels may widen and narrow. Jacket lengths dip and rise. But no one is expecting us to show up in something cutting-edge like Ryan Gosling wore in Barbie. That would just be silly. Surely, I could wear the same suit I’ve owned since Noah unloaded the ark. But would it still fit? Why not? I work out. I eat right. It’s possible.

Trust Me. It’s Not Possible.

In just a few short years, my suit has shrunk. Not the jacket. That still fits perfectly. My arms aren’t any longer. Surprising, considering that I like to hang on a chin-up bar at the gym (it relieves tightness in my shoulders). As for the pants, well, just between us, my dry cleaner is lucky I never sued. The pants have lost at least an inch around the circumference. And yes, I could close them (barely). I’d be fine for standing around, but what if I wanted to sit down? I’m not sure I could do it. And god forbid the top button popped off. I might severely injure someone in the direct line of fire.

Cookies, Cake, and Candy. Yum.

Let’s face it. The years of Covid have been tough on the old waistline. Yes, I admit to the occasional slice of cake. And yes, I’m a sucker for Cadbury’s Fruit & Nut chocolate bar. Doesn’t the fruit make it a healthier choice? And how could I pass on Whole Foods chocolate chip cookies?  Oh, who am I kidding? Anyone’s chocolate chip cookies are good. Even the bad ones.

Off to the Tailor.

I just wish I didn’t have to see the look on the tailor’s face when he adjusts the waistline. Maybe I’m projecting, but I think he’ll be genuinely disappointed in me. Like I forgot to share all my tasty treats with him. I just hope he leaves me enough room to devour the box of Valentine’s candy still sitting in the closet. I’m partial to Sees. But then, I’d never turn down Ghiradelli. Heck, who am I kidding? If it’s chocolate, I’m always willing to give it a taste. And if you mix it with peanut butter, I might even taste it twice!

And Now for Something a Little Extra!

My new novel Friends for A Season is on schedule for a late 2024 release date. It’s an intergenerational story between an older woman and a college student, each struggling to cope with life’s challenges. In the meantime, if you haven’t had a chance to check out my debut novel, The Intersect, here are two free sample chapters from the ebook. Grab it here. And have a great February!

Is Disappointment Just A Part of Life?

For those of you who’ve been reading my blog, you know that last month I had surgery on my right ear to remove a tumor that had rendered me totally deaf. I was already deaf in my left as a result of a childhood illness. The doctor had promised a complete recovery—and that my hearing would be “better than ever before”. But what he didn’t say at the time was that it would take three months for the hearing in my right ear to fully return. On the bright side, I can hear now. But I’m only at 50% of my former hearing. I guess sometimes, our expectations exceed what nature has planned. Of course, it makes sense that my ear would need time to heal. And I’m certainly grateful we live in a world where this kind of surgery can be done. But to be honest, the disappointment over the immediate results has sent me into a funk. And I’m sure that I’m not the only patient who ever went through a procedure hoping to be quickly back to 100% once it was over.

Buck Up

You’d think it would be hard to wallow in self-pity when you’ve had such a good life. Well, take it from me. It’s not hard. That said, there are things I’ve learned through all this, and so, in the spirit of sharing, I thought I’d pass them along:

  1. One way to view a personal struggle is to consider it a character-building moment. How we manage through the experience says a lot about who we are. You can choose to handle it well or poorly. I assure you, handling it poorly doesn’t make anyone feel any better. Certainly not you, and definitely not your family.
  2. When frustrated, it’s not a bad idea to challenge yourself to a game. For me, I’ve searched for other ways to say “what”—a word I say a lot these days. So far, I’ve come up with “excuse me”, “pardon”, and when I’m in the mood to laugh, “hey” with a palm held up to my ear like an old codger. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.
  3. Everyone has their problems. But if you’re lucky, when you face a challenge, others will jump in and share it with you. I’ve been lucky. So many people have gone out of their way to wish me well. Those kind words have meant a lot.
  4. When it comes to your health, you have to be your own best advocate. Sadly, I allowed my hearing loss to go on way too long before finally connecting with a surgeon. Had I pressed for a CT Scan sooner, the tumor would have been found earlier. Live and learn.
  5. Every day is a gift. But that gift can either be a lump of coal or a lovely bouquet. It all depends on what you’re expecting. So try, if you can, to remain positive. I hear it’s worth the effort.

And Now, Something Extra!

This month, I thought I’d share a video of Gilda Radner as Emily Litella from Saturday Night Live. Emily always seemed to get everything wrong. Did she need a hearing aid? Probably. But I definitely identified with her over the last few weeks. So take a moment to step back and laugh along with Gilda, Emily, and me. And be sure to have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Is it Time to Get A Life?

If you’ve ever looked up and said, “what am I doing, what time is it, where am I?”, then you just might be engrossed in social media; lost somewhere between the dog videos (I love them) and teens tap dancing to swing tunes from the big band era. Darn, those kids know how to move.

New To Social Media?

Until recently, I’ve never really been a fan of social media. Sure, I’m on Facebook  I mean, Meta. Though no one outside of the IT Industry uses the name Meta no matter how much they promote it. I have both an author and a personal account but mostly scroll through Facebook to keep up with friends and family. And based on what I’m seeing, I know a lot of happy, well-traveled people, who love to eat. I’m glad. I like to travel (to the gym or the grocery store) and I love to eat. But as far as being happy, well, I’m a Capricorn (the goat). Happiness is not really my natural state. I tend to run a bit grumpy. Not necessarily on the outside. The exterior presents as okay. All the roiling is happening under the surface. But if you’re a happy Capricorn, let me know. I’d like to learn your secret.

Twitter

I’m also on Twitter. That’s a different crowd. Very political. People who are dissatisfied with the status quo. They expect the world to be a better place. They’re kind of suspicious, angry, and judgemental. On Twitter, everyone speaks their truth (whether it’s true or not). It reminds me of attending a party when you don’t quite mesh with the other guests. Strong opinions are expressed and folks may not get along. If you enjoy that level of mental stimulation, you’d love Twitter.

LinkedIn

Now, we’re talking business! See how I did that little wordplay? LinkedIn is mainly targeted at the business world. Need a new job? Want to network with other professionals in your industry? Have a bit of business wisdom to promote? You’re in the right place with LinkedIn. As a writer, editors are often reaching out to connect. Do you suppose that’s because they’ve read my blog and think I could use some guidance? Well, bless their hearts.

Instagram

And then, we have Instagram. My personal favorite. Time whizzes by when I’m on Instagram. Why do I love Instagram? Because the posts are so darn creative. Talking dogs (who doesn’t love a talking dog?), marital advice (though not from the dogs), funny children, dancing parrots, oh…I can’t explain it all. But when I’m doing nothing in particular, Instagram is so engaging. And the more videos you follow, the more videos appear in your feed. So, there’s always something better as you scroll.

And the Problem Is?

I’m sorry. Did I say there was a problem? No problem. I just think that when something shows up in your life that you enjoy, it’s worth sharing. Just be careful about the time. You can really get sucked in. Which is why I’m staying away from TikTok. After all, I need some spare time to keep up with my writing.

And Now, for Something A Little Extra!

I’m happy to announce that Brenda W. and Cheryl W. were the two winners of our March 2023 Giveaway of David Sedaris’ latest books: Happy-Go-Lucky and A Carnival of Snackery. We had over 180 entries, and to be fair, the winners were selected randomly by the KingSumo software. Thank you to everyone who participated. And to those of you who didn’t win, there’s always next time. And there will be a next time.

Also this month, we’re participating in a short story promotion. So this is the moment to grab a free ebook of What’s That Growing in my Sour Cream? The free ebook is available by clicking here. Until we next connect, have a great April!

Ten Reasons Why Your Workout May Not Be Working Out!

If you’re like me, you pride yourself on being physically active. But there comes a time when we just have to admit that our efforts may not be producing the desired effect.

Fitness Guru?

Are you kidding? I’m just like you. But recently, I’ve become aware of some interesting trends. Let’s see how many of these you recognize:

  1. Chocolate peanut butter cups are not the ideal snack. Creamy and yummy, for sure, but they won’t help you attain that perfect physique. Unless you’re going for the round look.
  2. In-between meal snacks are not the calorie-burning workout you imagined. True, you must walk to the kitchen (walking is a great way to burn calories). Then, open the refrigerator (thank goodness for strong biceps). You’re engaging jaw muscles as you chew. But there is no “kitchen set-up” at the gym for those of us who enjoy this form of exercise. If there was, I’m certain membership would skyrocket.
  3. It’s far better to zip it (your mouth) than rip it (open a bag of potato chips). And if you must give in to that bag of chips, don’t dip it. That’s where all the calories are. Sour cream dips are especially troublesome. Delicious, but troublesome.
  4. The mirror can be your friend. But you have to face it. And then, you have to look into it. I’m not a fan. Personally, I think mirrors should be covered when we’re nude. Just like in a Jewish house of shiva. Please, show some respect!
  5. Carbs are best eaten when you’re lonely. Or with friends. Or when thinking about challenging family members. In short, carbs are the perfect food group.
  6. Ice cream should never be consumed on an empty stomach. It always tastes better after you’ve overeaten. I think it’s the extra cream in the recipe.
  7. That pain in your abs isn’t from crunches. It’s more likely gas from that spicy Mexican meal you’re still digesting from the previous night. Ole!
  8. Grocery shopping is not a contact sport. Carts are not weapons. Beware the senior who rams your butt. No, they are not sorry. And yes, you did deserve it.
  9. If you must run, make sure you’re being chased. There’s little point in breaking a speed record unless your life is at risk.
  10. Stretching and yoga are terrific if your name is Gumby. Not so much if your name is Brad. Holding your body in an unnatural pose can only result in painful muscle pulls. Ask your chiropractor. Better yet, ask mine.

And Now for A Little Something Extra!

I’m excited that Boca by Moonlight has been so well-received. If you haven’t had a chance to check out the novel, please take a look at the book trailer. And then go ahead and download the free excerpt. The novel will be a 2022 Jewish Book Council selection. And it has won 1st Place in Adult Fiction from the Arizona Chapter of the National Federation of Press Women. Exciting stuff!

Were You Raised in a Barn?

Growing up in NYC, when things got too messy, my mother would accuse us all of being raised in a barn. Which is an odd thing to say since she was in charge of the housework. Still, there are times as an adult when I look around and think, definitely barnyard. Okay. So there are no cows or chickens anywhere. And the only silos are the stacks on my desk. But isn’t that what writers do? Create piles. At least, that’s what I’ve decided. And yes, I’m committed to one day curating each of the stacks into files. One day. But not today. Today, well, to be honest, it’s all just too much. Did I just hear a cow moo? 

Why is it so hard to Clean Up? 

We all know people who are meticulously organized. We snicker and call them anal-retentive. No one wants to be known as anal-retentive. It sounds like a disease acquired in childhood. Something that happened around toilet training. A period of time most of us can’t remember. Or, we might hear people identify as OCD. As if wiping down the counter with a sponge could ever be obsessive-compulsive. Especially if you’re in the habit of wiping the crumbs from the counter onto the floor. Hmm. I swear I just heard a cow moo.

Why is Everything so Messy? 

It just seems that when I worked outside of the house, coming home was a wonderful thing. You could relax. Kick your shoes off. Enjoy the quiet. But now, at home, I notice every dust bunny that floats by.  Another good reason not to have tile floors. Living in Phoenix, I just close my eyes and pretend they are tumbleweeds. And lately, I’ve even spotted a layer of dust gathering on the living room furniture. I’m tempted to write my name in it. But if I do, well, I’d have to dust. I think it’s better to just stay out of that room altogether. What you can’t see, can’t hurt you. 

Spiders 

I’ve spotted a few spider webs gathering in the corner by the windows. It’s wonderful how nature creates its own little cleaning crew for tiny bugs. I’m reminded of the Munsters. That house was always covered in cobwebs. Mockingbird Lane and Lily’s housekeeping left a lot to be desired. Surely it’s time to grab a dustbuster or something and take care of the mess. But then, I have other things to do. What they are, I haven’t quite decided. Ahh, my mother was right. I must have been raised in a barn! 

Now for Something a Little Extra!

The reviews are coming in on Boca by Moonlight. And it has just won first place in the Arizona Chapter of the National Federation of Professional Writers at-large communications contest. It’s exciting to see the novel find an appreciative audience. So, if you haven’t had a chance to check it out yet, please give the book trailer a peek. And enjoy the rest of the month of March! 

Ten Tips To Make 2021 The Best Year Ever

Let’s face it. 2020 was no fun. So, as we think about 2021, here are some suggestions to  make things a bit brighter:

  1. Stop racing through the store like you’re on Supermarket Sweep (does anyone remember that game show?). If you’re wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and staying socially distant, you’re probably fine. Still not sure? Don’t shop on the weekend when it’s busy. And double-mask. It can’t hurt.
  2. Toilet paper is a wonderful product. But there’s only so much anyone needs. If you can’t pull your car into the garage—you probably have too much.
  3. Try to get out of the house. If the weather doesn’t permit, there’s always a good book, meditation, or a nap. And we all know that meditation leads to a nap. What? You really didn’t know?
  4. Cookies and cake are delicious. But maybe it’s time to bring fruits and vegetables back into our diets. You’ll feel better and with summer a few months away, you’ll get a head start on that beach body (and I’m not referring to the dead thing that washes up on the shore every July).
  5. Social distancing will one day be a thing of the past. So now’s the time to change your cell phone number and ditch those pesky relatives. If they can’t text you, they can’t find you. Win-win!
  6.  Embrace change. We have a new president with a new outlook. With any luck, we’ll all be vaccinated soon. Hopefully, before the next Covid mutation. Can you say, Ninja Mutant Warrior?
  7. Laugh when you can. When all else fails look in the mirror. It’s true. You look just like your mother. Now that should put a smile on your face (or send you screaming from the room).
  8. Aches and pains are part of life. They help remind us of what’s important. That we’re still here. Alive and kicking. Adding new meaning to the phrase, it hurts so good.
  9. Try to make pancakes at least once a week. Even if the batter isn’t great, you’ll love the syrup. I promise.
  10. Reading is a necessary form of self-love. We get to experience someone else’s life when we read. And anyone else’s life is probably more exciting than ours at the moment. So go ahead. Pick up a book. Escape.

Now A Little Something Extra!

This month, we’ll be participating in an ebook humor promotion along with other authors. It’s your opportunity to grab a free ebook of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? Please take a moment to check out the promotion. It’s a great time to be a reader!

Once Upon a Time, We Had Walter Cronkite

We used to have faith in America in the truth. Facts were facts and there was trust that our media was fair and accurate. I remember those days. We didn’t question what was being reported. No one wondered whether Walter Cronkite was lying. Back then, the news was about the facts—not opinion. What we heard and saw, we believed to be true.

Have Times Changed?

The mantra today for authors is to avoid politics. You’ll risk losing readers. No one needs to read the opinion of a fiction writer who spins make-believe. Then what about Steinbeck, Orwell, Baldwin, Sinclair, or Rand, to name but a few? Each held up a mirror to reveal an American truth. Isn’t that part of the reason why we read fiction?

Ear to the Ground

Stop long enough and you can hear conversations everywhere. Or can you? Friends and families no longer engage in political discussion. We’re trying to keep the peace. And most of us have reached the saturation point. We’re worn down. Isn’t this the real danger? We no longer debate. We can’t decipher “truth” from the noise because we can’t hear what is even being said. And when we do, we don’t believe it.

Is It Time to Issue A Cancellation Notice?

I’m tired of the back and forth. The blurring of the truth. The politicizing of the facts. Opinions that pass as news stories. Does one lie lead to a thousand? How many lies are okay? How many lies are too many? Isn’t lying enough of a reason to draw a line in the sand?

2021

As we look ahead to the New Year, I hope Americans can come together and heal. That’s my solemn wish. No matter which side we fall on, we work best when we work together. Even if we disagree, there is a way to do it amicably. Respectfully. We owe it to ourselves and the next generation to set an example. I hope we’ll do just that.

Added Bonus

This month, What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? will be part of a Summer Laughs promotion. Take a moment to check it out. And please stay safe. Your health is so very important.

Why Are Giant Blueberries Flying Around the Backyard?

Growing up in New York City, you learn to cope with pigeons, mice, and waterbugs. Mostly, you run in the opposite direction. Some people have even been known to scream. Loudly. And yet, nature can be a wonderous thrill. Who doesn’t love a hike in the great outdoors? Until you come upon a “Beware of Bears” sign. That’s when some of us are easily persuaded to stay off the trail.

Home?

Now in Phoenix, we’re currently suffering through triple-digit temperatures. There’s very little outdoor activity during the day except for the occasional dip in the pool. And even that is time-limited. Thirty minutes outside is tops for the old eyeballs in the peak of the heat. After that, they burn. So, we’re forced to enjoy nature from inside our air-conditioned quarters.

Nature Abounds

Two hummingbirds live on our property and love our hummingbird feeder. At times, it feels like we rent from them. A few months back, one flew in the house seeking a shortcut to the backyard. Fortunately, we have tall glass sliders. We just opened those doors and our intruder found its way back outside. I’ve since learned to keep the doors closed at all times. After all, we’re not running a bird sanctuary. Or are we?

Nests

We have a large tree out front which is perfect for nesting birds. There’s a lot dropping out of that tree and I don’t mean leaves. I’ve used binoculars to spy on the activities, excited to see nesting doves. And though I’ve been tempted, I’ve yet to turn my binoculars on the neighbors. What would be the point? It’s hot out. Everyone has their curtains closed. Not that I noticed.

Insects

Carpenter Bees float like giant blueberries in the backyard. Wasps, like tiny helicopters, glide down to drink from the pool. We have our seasonal ducks. Sometimes behaving in shocking ways. One year, two males and a female were mating outback. We of course diverted our eyes though it was hard to miss the ruckus.

Predators

And I guess the menagerie wouldn’t be complete without giant owls. We’ve spotted one on our driveway at night. And lately, a neighbor’s cat has been wandering the property. I’m praying that the cat doesn’t run into the owl. I’ve never owned a cat, but I don’t think I’d let it roam outside. But then, I’m a scaredy-cat.

Animal Planet

During stressful times, I’ve learned that nature can provide a welcome distraction. A lesson not lost on a former New Yorker. Even if you’re just looking out the window.

Added Bonus

This month What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? will be part of a Funny Books promotion. After the Fall will be participating in a Young Adult Coming of Age promotion running from August 4th through the 11th. If you get a chance, please take a moment to check out these promotions. And please stay safe. Your health is so very important.

The Kitchen Is Closed!

I’ve been thinking a lot about my Mom lately. It isn’t a special anniversary or a birthday month. And it isn’t that Mom recently passed. She’s been gone since 1990. But my thoughts keep drifting back to her. The effort she put into our family. And how she prepared us to take care of ourselves.

I Don’t Want to Make the Salad!

My Mom worked a full-time job when I was growing up.  That made me a latch key kid.  And because Mom worked in Manhattan, she had an hour-long commute. That commute began with a ten-minute walk up a hill to reach the bus that took her to the subway. In New York City, that’s called a two-fare zone. For Mom, it meant thirty minutes on a bus and another thirty minutes on a subway to get to Manhattan.

Other Errands Too?

On occasion, I helped out. Nothing major. Setting the table. Defrosting a steak in the sink. Over time, it transitioned to making a salad. Throwing a load in a washing machine. Going to the grocery store. All the things little boys don’t want to do and don’t want to be seen doing. Mom needed help and since she was important, I obliged.

Some Skills Are Worth Knowing

Given time, I became a fairly domesticated kid. So when I went off to college, I knew how to take care of myself. And though I still hate to do the laundry, I can do it. Though in our house, Jeff’s the laundry guy. He’s better at stain removal. It seems we spill a lot. And he likes doing it. Trust me. Send your laundry here. You’ll make him very happy.

Not the Kitchen

As for cooking, I remain the go-to-guy. Do I like it? Nope. Can I do it? Sure. And, over the last few months, I’ve prepared a variety of dishes. I’ve even baked a cake or two. If anything, social distancing has enhanced my kitchen skills. I guess practice makes perfect. Without a restaurant to go to, I’m kind of stuck. Would I prefer to eat out? You bet. But until we can do that safely, I’m in that kitchen twice a day making lunch and dinner. For breakfast, you’re on your own. Except on Sunday. That’s when my Dad made pancakes. I try to keep that tradition alive.

Childhood Memories

How did my Mom prepare all those meals for all those years and not go insane? It defies the imagination. And so this whole lockdown experience gives me a new respect for mothers. Each night, as we clear the table and load the dishwasher, I hear my Mom’s voice cry out. Tired from a long day at the office, eager to relax, she’d tell the family, “The kitchen is closed!” I totally get that sentiment. Amen, Mom. Amen.

And Now For Something Extra

In honor of Pride Month, check out the ebooks being offered from June 15th through June 22nd as part of a Pride Freebie Promotion. If you haven’t read The Intersect, this is your chance to download a copy. Just click on this hyperlink.

In addition, I’m participating in a Satirical Humor Promotion from June 17th through June 30th with What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? Check out the promotion by clicking on this hyperlink. 

Stay safe and healthy!

What Do Your Art Choices Say About You?

The other day, I was sitting at my desk contemplating the wall scenery. That’s what you do when you’re stumped, hoping some brilliant plot point emerges so that you can finish up the new novel you’ve been working on for months. As I looked about, it occurred to me that artwork can reveal a lot about your personality. I suppose that makes sense. After all, I chose all the pieces in my office. But, had I considered what others might think when they looked at my walls? Did I realize that I was revealing a great deal about myself to the astute viewer? And more importantly, was I in touch with the meaning of those pieces and how they reflected my mindset?

Calling Dr. Freud

So let’s see. I have a collection of silent movie posters. Colorful and bold even though all those pictures were shot in black and white. Hmm. Am I someone who is fighting his own nature? A guy who is shy but able to evoke an outgoing personality when pressed? And am I struggling to find my voice much like those silent films? Maybe.

Little Mouse

I love Stuart Dunkel’s whimsical pieces. Especially when a mouse (our kindly hero) sneaks donuts and candy. I think that imagery is clear. The little guy always wins in the end. Yes, he does! At least on my wall.

Joan & Clark

Another corner of the room displays an MGM poster from Strange Cargo, a 1940 film starring Joan Crawford and Clark Gable. It’s an odd jungle movie about escaped prisoners, survival, with a strong nod to the importance of God in our lives. I know. That doesn’t sound like Joan’s typical fair. No glamour. No shoulder pads. Nonetheless, Gable still wants to wallop her—the big gorilla (but he never does; that would be crossing the line). It’s a romantic adventure in the least romantic of settings. And a damn good film. I’ve watched it a few times. Each time, I see something new. Like that faith-based God message. A real surprise for a Crawford/Gable film.

Collage

Behind the sofa, there’s a large oil of mixed media. I’m not sure what this piece says about me. Perhaps, I’m complicated. Another interpretation: I’m really messed up.

Oh, the Games We Play

So the next time you visit someone’s home, glance about and try to determine what the artwork is communicating about your host. I think it might be an interesting exercise. If it’s an Elvis painted on velvet, well, you know you’re in the company of people with excellent taste. I particularly like the one that glows in the dark!

Now It’s Your Turn

So, take a few moments and share with me how your favorite piece of artwork reflects your personality. Just comment below. I can’t wait to see the response.

 

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