Time Marches On…And So Does Our Vocabulary

Every now and then, something pops out of my mouth which clarifies the passage of time. And no. I’m not referring to a dental filling. Though God knows, I have my fair share. And I’m not talking about historical events like Vietnam, the Kennedy assassination, or the collapse of American Motors and the disappearance of the Gremlin. I’m speaking of words that we once used every day.  Forgotten words that as soon as they are uttered, people within earshot moan and then shout, “how old are you?” Well, the answer must be pretty darn old. And I have the vocabulary to prove it.

Pocketbook

Does anyone still carry one? I’m not sure why this particular word went out of style. But it did. My grandmother had one. So did my mom. Pocketbooks stuffed with tissues, hard candies, and keys. Lots of keys. But nowadays, that word is definitely old school. It’s been relegated to the dustbin along with valise, girdle, icebox, and those old galoshes.

Mimeograph

Does anyone still use a copier or fax? Well, I remember when the mimeograph was popular. There were lots of purple fingers back then. And come to think of it, no one keeps a Rolodex any longer. And what about that IBM Selectric typewriter? It autocorrected, which beat the heck out of using Wite-Out fluid. And yes, that is the correct spelling for Wite-Out. I googled it.

Southern Fried Chicken

It used to be a standard menu item. I know, because as a kid that was my go-to at every restaurant. Today, you can’t find it on a menu unless you’re eating in a diner. And when was the last time anyone saw a diner? There are still a few scattered here and there, mostly on the east coast, but as a rule, restaurants have gone ethnic and pride themselves on locally sourced, fresh ingredients. That’s California speak. Wink, wink.

Howard Johnsons

How can we forget the All-You-Can-Eat Clams on Friday night? Or Wetsons. Best hamburgers ever. You could always wear dungarees there along with your favorite Converse sneakers that had no arch support and came in only two colors. White or black. Those sneakers are making a big comeback now. Which is why we’re all going to a chiropodist—better known as a podiatrist.

Stewardess

Today, they’re flight attendants. And they don’t serve Chock full O’Nuts Eight O’clock Coffee from percolators. And you better not reference that Fly Me campaign if you know what’s good for you. Haven’t you learned anything from Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, and Bill O’Reilly?

Time Marches On

And hopefully, so do we. So say goodbye to VHS tapes, TIVO, and those terrible descriptors, old maid and wallflower. And here’s to the future. I for one am willing to embrace change. Especially when I spot a quarter on the ground!