Where’s The Toilet Paper?

By now, we’re all familiar with the empty supermarket shelves where the paper products used to be. It’s truly unnerving. My last trip to the store felt like the start of that old television show Supermarket Sweep. You remember. Contestants racing through the aisles trying to fill their baskets with the most expensive items. During this pandemic, I’ve been diligently working my way through the bakery. Candy? You bet. Cookies? How many bags should I grab? But why would rational people stock-up on paper products? Sugar? I’m in. Paper? Not so much.

Panic Buying

We’ve experienced shortages before. The oil embargo of 1973 led to long lines at the pumps. And then Christmas 1983, there was a run on Cabbage Patch dolls. Remember? You couldn’t find a doll anywhere. And today, we expect long lines for the newest version of the Apple iPhone. Or how about on Black Friday? Folks set up sleeping bags in front of Best Buy as early as the night before Thanksgiving. So, I guess Americans have a long history of pent up demand. But for toilet paper?

Not Tissues Too?

And now there’s a run on tissues. Which is especially troubling for those of us with seasonal allergies. Where’s your grandmother when you need her? Mine always had a tissue. She stuffed them everywhere. Up a sleeve. Down a blouse. In her purse. She used them to wipe away a tear at a bar mitzvah, wedding, or graduation. And when there was dirt on your face, a bit of spit on a tissue did the trick. Or when a finger got too close to a nose. A tissue always magically appeared.

Handkerchiefs

Perhaps it’s time to revive the handkerchief.  No one carries those anymore. It might be nice to have that handy cloth when you need to open a door. Or take food off a supermarket shelf. I have a box of them with my initials that my mother gave me in 1980. It’s a gift that has sat in my dresser drawer for 40 years. I recently opened the box and found the original gift card. A handkerchief makes the ideal face mask when rolled up. Just intertwine the ends through two rubber bands. It can even be washed in hot water and reused. Perfect!

But Toilet Paper?

Hopefully, toilet paper will soon be returning to store shelves. Otherwise, someone will have to get to the bottom of this. I heard folks mention that once the Sears catalog came in handy for more than just shopping. I guess the newspaper might be another substitute. But I doubt modern plumbing could handle all that bad news. So in the interim, I will conserve. Be mindful of my consumption. We can do this. And with Passover around the corner, it’s a great time to introduce Matzah, that binding delight, to our daily diet. That should definitely help us save on toilet paper!

Added Bonus:

Here’s a sneak peek at “Fear, AIDS, and the Coronavirus” which will be appearing in the Here’s My Story section of The Gay and Lesbian Review. It’s a very personal recap about the death of my first partner, Richard.

Also, this week I’m participating in a promotion with other authors of fun books. Please be sure to check it out. What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? is featured.

And finally, my thoughts are with you and your family through this crisis. Please be safe. You’re very dear to me.