The Ant Wars: Bait and Switch

The holidays are over. And if you’re lucky, your home is once again quiet. No more relatives to entertain. Everyone has hit the airports and made their way through TSA. It’s just you and the immediate family. And the Aunts. Oh, I mean, the ants. What? You don’t have ants at your house. Tell me your secret. Clearly, I have a lot to learn.

Is that a Bee or a Wasp?

Now just to clarify, I’m not afraid of bugs. That would be silly. So what if I run away when a bee shows up? I know bees pollinate flowers and produce honey. Somewhere. I’d just prefer nature’s miracle to happen when I’m not outside. My great nephew Kaden, as a young child, use to cry out “bee, bee, bee” and point at the sky. I think he learned that panicked cry from his mother. As for me, the adult, I affected a quiet dignity, wildly swatting the air as I ran about, tripping over myself in a desperate attempt to escape.

Please Pass the Potato Salad

Back to the ants. For some odd reason, they’ve shown up in my office.  And, no. I don’t eat in my office. Well, at least, not very much. A cookie, now and then. A candy bar, on special occasions. But not more than that. And what’s strange is, we’ve been in this home for twelve years. Never had an ant problem before. Now, it’s like a summer picnic without hot dogs, cole slaw, and potato salad. So, of course, I contacted an exterminator. He’s been here three times. We’ve become fast friends. If the ants don’t clear out, I’m thinking of inviting his whole family over for Sunday dinner. We’ll hold it in my office. Does anyone still do Sunday dinner?

Talk About Unwelcomed Guests

I’ve sealed every crack. I’ve moved the furniture to see if I could find out where they are coming in. I’ve sat watching the walls, waiting for the ants to show up so I could find the point of entry. In my next life, I’m coming back as a border patrol agent. In short, I’ve shifted into an OCD mess. Killing them, wiping the walls down with vinegar until my office smells like a salad, and following every possible suggestion on the Web for eliminating the pests. So far, the battle is still being waged. The ants seem to be winning.

It Just Doesn’t Seem Fair

And still, they’re walking across my desk. I just found one as I’m writing this blog. It’s like I’m sitting on top of an ant hill. I’ve changed Pest Control companies twice. Talk about the great bait and switch. If I could, I’d move. But that seems a bit extreme. So I’ve decided to focus on the positive. What little boy doesn’t want to own an ant farm? And isn’t it true that ants are attracted to sweets? So, I must be very sweet. But then, we already know that. What do you mean you didn’t know that?

And Now for Something A Little Extra!

If you haven’t grabbed a copy of my debut novel The Intersect, this is your chance to check out a free excerpt. The novel has 4.3 out of 5 stars and 140 reviews on Amazon. Definitely an enjoyable read – even if I say so myself.  And before I forget, thank you for welcoming me into your home every month. Wishing you and your family the very best of 2023. And always, happy reading!